Walls don’t Fall

The antidepressants, they were supposed to give me the will to survive

A reason to be alive

Instead I only become more anxious and have lost my ability to cry

Those emotions that make me human are gone

I thought if I stopped the pills, the feelings would return

It’s been almost six months now

There’s progress, but it’s slow

There’s a man I have come to love

I know he knows because I told him so

The words were spoken, but the emotion failed to show

The look in his eyes tell me that I reflect less human and more stone

I’ll admit I haven’t always been good at letting people in

Something about growing up a military kid, you find strength in being stoic

It becomes all you know, your default setting

As you grow up, people start knocking and you start opening

Until someone waltzes in, destroying you from the inside out

You send out eviction notices to all that call you home and vow to stay alone

Spend time adjusting the catapults, reinforcing the walls

It does get lonely in here

I spent so much time rebuilding my defenses, I forgot to rebuild my person

These walls I built for comfort have become a prison I am locked within

Amongst all the chaos I have lost what I was trying to protect all along


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