Today, I looked pretty
Yet, you didn’t text me
Fresh out the shower. Face clear. Lotion sinking in. Enclosed in a robe’s warm embrace.
My phone sitting silent in its tattered case
Today, I felt pretty
Skin glowing. Teeth showing. Hair with a slight kink from laying down with it still damp.
I check my phone again. Maybe I just didn’t hear it.
Nope, you just never texted back
In the beginning, this could’ve been labeled fun, exciting
Oh, the game of chasing
How you always keep me on my toes
What will you do next, nobody knows
But the pursuer grows tired and the love old
Because someone interesting, who isn’t interested in me, is no longer interesting
Though you seemed interested when we’re sexting
Exchanging ideas that leave my hairs standing on end
Talking of the how I can make this body bend
Never caring to ask who I am
The physical form yearns for more, but the mind grows bored
Oh, the sending of nudes
A common request too commonly abided to
But even then, my veins fail to fill with adrenaline as the raunchy photo sends
That level of vulnerability has lost its excitement
It’s become routine. Another meaningless body splattered on a screen
An immature attempt to get some immature boy to like me
I get it. Wanting to be wanted. That validation is tantalizing.
But your worth is not packaged inside how much time someone spends with you
Or how often they text you back, how much attention they give you, or even if they like you
Your worth is not wrapped up in someone else’s opinion, someone else’s perspective, someone else’s idea of you
Your value is enveloped within all that makes you, you
It is in your dreams of changing the world
Your stubbornness, your impatience
Your unapologetic passion for sunsets and homeless pets
Your first step when you wake up even though you feel like shit and would rather roll into a ditch than make it to work on time
It is in your brilliance, your resilience
In your successes, even more in your failures
It is in your shaky hands and uneven breath after you survived yet another panic attack
In the way you got back up after crumbling to the floor for the fourth time today
It is in the way your eyes light up when you talk about what you love
In the way your heart beat quickens when you listen to your favorite song
The way your breath slows down as you look inside yourself and decide that you belong
Your worth is defined, and created and held by you, inside every cell of your being
Inside every experience that shaped the magnificent creature I see before me
Remember this and it won’t matter if he walks out on you, if she leaves you, if your best friend passes away too soon.
The whole world can turn its back on you
And you will still have value.
Intrinsic love can’t leave you.
It is you.