Date Number 3

Hi, I’m Cat

Twenty-two

Nice to meet you

Yeah, I think you’re cute

Pretty awesome too

Date number one:

Easy, flirty, nerve racking, “Secretly wishing this day wasn’t done”

Date number two:

Laughter, adventure, freedom, “Shit, there’s a feeling here for you”

Date number three:

“How do I explain the demons inside of me?”

They are buried deep, always pretending to be asleep

Sometimes they wake up only to stretch, then roll over and go back to bed

Other times like the friend who only asked for a night on the couch

They’ve been here for months now

I know he hasn’t seen them because it’s all in my head

If I admit to him that I’m sad and have no intentions of leaving my black hole bed

What will be the first thing said?

What if I tell him that I am apathetic to what lies ahead?

Will he spout off how I should just choose to be happy instead?

Will lies shine like diamonds in his eyes?

Will he cringe away as he assures me everything will be alright?

“Oh stop it, anxiety”

You had your fun, but you know as well I as do, I’ll never tell anyone

I’ll make sure he’s long gone before too much damage has been done

I’ll tell him I’m busy or crazy

That soon I’ll be leaving to have another man’s baby

I’ll blow up his phone, way past Stage 5 clingy

Maybe he can get a restraining order against me

Getting people to run is easy

Everyone’s already halfway out the door before you even give them a reason to start sprinting

Date number three:

“Convince him to stay far, far away from me”

I’ll start to lie

Ramble on about this short life

Tell him to go and all the reasons why

A scripted story I’ve told so often it’s almost boring

After I’m done and I can see on his face that I have disappointed yet another one

I get this ache to tell the truth

How I want more than anything to give this a chance and see it through

How human connection is the last thing I want to lose

I’ll yell his name as he walks away

His eyes will meet mine, a mix of confusion and hope

I’ll struggle to tell him with my last breath

And I’ll choke

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