Absence

It’s days like today that I wonder what it would be like if I had someone to come home to

A welcoming house instead of this empty room

This house is so dark and quiet all the time

Only in the day does it seem to have any light

I’m never here anyway, I’m always gone

Maybe this house isn’t what feels all wrong

I enjoy the single life, at times I even hold it dear

But still, on nights like tonight, I crave to cuddle up with a person, not my laptop and a beer

I remember what that felt like

At the very least it felt nice

Even if the person and I didn’t fit quite right

On rare occasions I still felt comfort when he held me tight

Even with the knowledge that with the rising sun would come another fight

I’ve learned a lot since then

And I’m redefining what my definition of love is

I know it’s not suppose to be degrading and toxic

I know that the idea of opening up shouldn’t make me feel nauseous

I know that I should give my love and myself with more caution

I’m just not sure if I have been granted that option

I want love full force

I want a man that lays next to me wanting to learn more than just how my body curves

I want a man that finds comfort in my words and really means it when he says, “I’m hers”

I want more than just a lover

I want a friend

A best friend

Someone I never have to question if he’ll be there until the end

Someone who isn’t afraid of commitment and giving in

I’m not looking for perfection

I am far from perfect, just like everybody else is

I just want someone who gives a shit

Who doesn’t fill my life with negativity and nonsense

Someone who gets it

I want it to take time

I want a love that grows slow

A love that accepts the millions of things that neither of us will ever know

A love that lingers long after it goes

I’m no hunter

Too loud to ever be a tracker

I know if I search I will never find what I am after

I’m happy being an explorer

How my soul loves to wander

How my mind loves to ponder

I would like to keep doing what I’m doing, at least a little longer

Absence, why is it that you make the heart grow fonder?

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